IT’S NOT ME IT’S YOU…”DON”T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.”
My all-time favorite book is The Four Agreements By, Don Miguel Ruiz. It's one that I regularly recommend for anyone looking for a life-changing, easy to read inspirational book. It was given to me many many years ago by a gentleman that used to live a building or two away from my old apartment. He told me it would change the way I think and he was right.
Although all agreements are important the one that I take to heart is the second agreement: "Don't Take Anything Personally." It's difficult to believe or not internalize that what happens to us is not because of us but it is not: "Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world, from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world." (Ruiz 48) I can't tell you the amount of times that I remind myself that how people react says more about them then it does about me.
We are all solely responsible for our actions or inactions. We have the power to not just control our emotions but also our thoughts. Our thoughts shape us- what we repeat in our minds and how we say it says a lot about ourselves.
"When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You also try hard to be right by giving your own opinions." (Ruiz 50)
If all we do day in and day out is to try and prove why one person is right implying that the other person is wrong then you don't get very far. I believe that facts are of course facts. That is not in question here but how we relate to one another and how we treat one another is fundamental to understanding that we should strive to not take anything personally.
This is something I believe that everyone can relate to. There are plenty of situations where I talk myself out of taking something personally. When I take a step back to remind myself that whatever was just said or done to me is not about me my entire attitude/outlook shifts. Not only does my attitude/outlook shift but I then have room to try and understand where the other person is coming from. There are reasons for why people do and say the things they do. Wouldn't our time be better served trying to understand rather than trying to prove right or wrong?
Wouldn't our time be better served not taking anything personally?
"When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do." (Ruiz 57)
POWERFUL!
"Taking nothing personally helps you to break many habits and routines that trap you in the dream of hell and cause needless suffering." (Ruiz 59)
Truly understanding this agreement is a life-long commitment as there are plenty of moments I have fallen prey to believing that how people act or react towards me must be a reflection of me. There have equally been moments where I think if only the other could understand that what I did and what I said or how I reacted had nothing to do with them and EVERYTHING to do with me. Taking ownership- being accountable for whatever was said and done as well as the pain I inflicted. As more than likely the other did take it personally...For those reading who could feel this way I ask for forgiveness.
"As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices...When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others." (Ruiz 60)
These passages and this book continue to have a profound impact on me. First of foremost, the second agreement has allowed me to forgive as well as further understand others and open my heart to all those that cross my path.
There is a quote that I absolutely love, which serves as a reminder that if you keep within the Four Agreements
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always do your best
The life you live/the relationships we keep and the world we live in could be a much better place.
"The way you see people is the way you treat them and the way you treat them is what you become." Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
